Alice Gets High
by Fanfictionally
Summary: What happens when Emmett decides he wants to know how Alice acts when she's drunk, delirious, and high? How will the Cullens react when she and Emmett come back to the mansion? ONE-SHOT


**This is my first one-shot since I stopped writing legitimate stories. There'll normally be longer one-zeez. I decided to release this early because I probably won't be here when I was supposed to release it. Hope you guys like it!**

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_Emmett's POV_

"Yo, Alice!" I yelled up the stairs. "Come down here for a second!" In seconds, Alice was at the bottom of the staircase, next to me. "Let's go," I whispered quietly so that only she could hear. We ran out the door, and opposite of Edward and Bella's house. What we were doing was a secret; I wanted to see what Alice did when she was high.

About 10 miles away from the Cullen Mansion, we stopped, climbing into the man cave I had built years ago when I was either pissed or wanted to get away from Rosalie, because she was being such a downer and a bitch. But the second reason was basically when Bella started dating Edward and when Jake came over. She isn't as hissy anymore around him. The only reason he's still alive is because Rose likes Ness.

As I was saying, we climbed into my amazing man cave. There was a black two-seater couch in the middle of the room with a huge flat-screen TV on the wall it was facing. Where the walls and ceiling came together was slightly curved, since it was carved from dirt. There was a fridge with normal food from when Bella was human and she visited the Mave (what I call my Man Cave.) There was a bed in the far back, which was basically another room, barely visible from most points of view throughout the room. That was for Nessie; her own little hide-out. We need it for feminine issues- since Nessie is only half human, her period comes every other month for two days. She stays in here with Jake and Bella. That's another reason there's normal food; Jake and Nessie. I installed a cupboard with chips, and other shit like that right on top of the fridge. Werewolves are pigs!

We sat down on the couch, and I pulled out cigarettes, cigars, crack, weed, pot, sniff, marijuana, tequila, beer, red wine, a lighter, and jumbo marshmallows. Hey, if you're a vampire and you eat that crap, you're officially a badass.

"Holy shit, Em! Where the fuck did you get all this?!"

I laughed. "Alice, dear Alice, in this world, there are people called drug dealers. Some of my best friends are drug dealers!"

"Really? Who?" Alice asked, accusingly.

"Um, well, there's... okay, I got them in Las Vegas in a gas station in the middle of nowhere," I admitted.

She rolled her eyes. "Why?"

"Cuz I have to get the smell of blood out of this place every other month after Ness uses it. But there are other uses for this..." In about a minute, she was smoking shit like there was no tomorrow. In an hour, she would be so high; I wanted to see how she acted when she was even more mental than usual.

"How do you feel?" I asked her.

"I'm finally seeing the gummy bear in you," she said, and pushed me down on the couch. She reached behind me and grabbed the pillow, then smashed it against the floor. Feathers flew out, covering the whole floor.

"Alice! My Mave!" I yelled. She was _so_ cleaning this up!

"Woo-hoo! It's confett-ayy!" she yelled excitedly. She started rolling around in it, white feathers stuck in her short black hair.

"Okay, I'm taking you home," I said.

"Wait! I wanna play Chubby Bunny!" She started stuffing the marshmallows into her mouth. Damn, that girl may be tiny, but she sure as hell could fit a lot in her mouth. 17 marshmallows later, she was stuffed. That's not natural! I grabbed her by the waist and swung her over my shoulder.

Before we left, she managed to grab the bag and continued stuffing herself as I ran. Jasper deserved to see her like this.

I walked through the door. Everyone was gathered in the living room casually, including Edward, Bella, Nessie, and Jake. They all looked up as the door shut.

I put Alice down, making sure she didn't fall because of the major sugar rush she was bound to get.

"Alice?" Jasper asked.

"This stuff is great!" Alice said.

"What stuff?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

This made everything she enhaled and smoked come to mind. Edward read it, and raced up to Alice, putting his arms around her to steady her more.

"Emmett! How could you do this to innocent Al-" Edward began.

Alice cut him off by kissing him. In all fairness, Jasper and Edward looked basically the same when you were on as many drugs as Alice was at the moment. He pushed her away, making her fall the other way. Jasper caught her, just as she blanked out from the world.

It took 4 days for her small body to get rid of all the shit, and she finally woke up from possibly the first vampire fainting in history.

Now no one ever lets me be alone with Alice _or_ Nessie!


End file.
